European Vacation

Fri 6/20/2003 11:27 AM

Was curious if this email felt any different because I sent it while I was in Warsaw? Didn't think so. I am trying so hard not to fall asleep yet, but I am downright exhausted. My bus leaves at 7:30 PM tonight and I arrived at the bus depot at 3:45 PM so I have just been killing the hours. I didn't get to sleep on the flights that much because the seats weren't all that comfortable, though on the leg into Warsaw from London I did sleep some.

Even though I am here, it doesn't all feel real to me. It's also strange being around so many white people that I cannot communicate to on a deep level. I've kind of always taken it for granted that white folk could talk with each other.

My friend Joanna is mysteriously not getting back to my emails, so I am a little bit confused. Part of me is wondering if she is actually receiving them at all, or if the Morgan servers are out blocking everything once again.

Well, hope the world back home is OK. I've made it this far.

Love,
ME

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Date: Sun, 29 Jun 2003 14:36:53 -0400
Hey everyone,
I am having a pretty fun time over here in Lithuania. It is nice to try out travelling in a non-Asian context; I still enjoy it, though I have had to eat Lithuanian Chinese food twice already (not joking sadly, but the broccoli here is as good as you can get in Beijing). The food here is so starch and meat heavy and I feel like I have been eating at weird hours and very unhealthily at that. Zepillins (ultra-heavy desiccated potato dumplings filled with fatty sausage) and dark rye bread at 11:00 PM is no formula for sveltness.

The weather is starting to get a bit nicer at last. The weather in this place is crazy because it alternates between raining hard and sunshine literally between 3 to 8 times during the day. I've never been around such schizo weather in a non-tropical place, but then again I've not been to too many non-tropical places. The other cool thing about Lithuania is that it is light (also literally) around 20 hours a friggin' day. It gets truly dark around 11:00 and by 3:00 AM the dawn is already rising again. Kind of boggles the mind, and also makes it difficult to sleep. Right now it looks like it is 4:00 PM but it is close to 9:00 PM.

The quarters provided are quite nice. Very Communist Russian but highly functionable. But as you know, I am so low brow that I could sleep in the chalked outline of a dead body if the bed were comfortable. The students that I teach range from very good to piss poor which makes teaching hard. We are actually making some adjustments and starting up a night class which means that I will have five new students starting on Monday.

Kids are the same all over. The girls 14, 16, 16 and 17 love Brittany Spears, Marilyn Manson, classical and random music, respectively. The boys love computer games (Vice City, Warcraft, Diablo etc.), music and NBA. Scary how overpowering American culture is even, or should I say especially, in places such as this. It was a fun, though exhausting day. We were lucky, it was sunny 90% of the time and only poured on three different occasions.

I am also looking forward to the Independence Day party at the Embassy and also the 750th anniversary of the coronation of Mindaugus the first and only Lithuanian King. Other than that not much is new. I am able to have a lot of time to myself to read and Victoria and I have managed to go out a couple of times at night. We hit a place that was filled with 17-20 year old American Lithuanians college? kids from Chicago that made us feel mad old, but what is new.
I'm going to send this email out before it gets lost. I hope everyone is well and hate the idea of sending a group letter, but have no choice. I have a mobile here at +370-677-49996 that should work assuming I buy enough phone card minutes. It is five hours behind of HK time and seven hours ahead of NYC time.

Hope all is well on the home(s) front. Email me if you are bored.

CJ

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Thu 7/10/2003 3:50 PM

So I have one day left of teaching and I've been a bit grumpy because I have been working very hard the last few days and the weather has continued to utterly suck. This will be my bitch email; allow me to begin.

First off, it has rained everying single day here except two days. That wasn't part of the deal. At first it was like, OK, that's cute, that's quaint. That's just the way that things are done here in Lithuania. But now after three weeks I am feeling highly suicidal, Lithuania does boast one of the highest suicide rates in non-Scandanavian Europe, and angry.

Secondly, the food. My body just needs spices, and herring and potatoes intrinsically lack spice. Even if you were to flood them with flavor, they would somehow find a way to soak it all up, spit it all up, leave you hungry and fat. Needless to say I will not be hitting any Lithuanian restuarants upon my return to NYC. I'm sure that Victoria concurs.

I've been teaching night classes, but also helping out big time with the morning classes and also going on some of the field trips. I just feel that my whole day is consumed, particularly the last two because it honestly has. But wait, that is a valid reason to bitch, and not petty enough to fit the profile for which I'm looking.

Thirdly, (or is it should I say fourthly), I attended arguably the worst "business" lunch that I have ever attended this afternoon. It lasted over four hours because the waitresses were just uncomprehendly slow though friendly. I wonder if that is some type of sick, passive aggressive post-Soviet rule country kind of joke. You laugh and put on a happy face even as you are denying them service in the one pathetically small aspect of your life that you can control. I guess that is hitting below the belt, so I will stop on that angle. Anyway, the long and short was that I ate two potato dumplings and had to sit through hours of miscommunication, translation and meaningless references to the American, Lithuanian and Hungarian cultural triangle.

Finally, I spend my last Saturday night going to a three hour long folk dancing ceremony held in a 10,000 capacity arena that was filled to the rim (though not with Brim).

Well, it is a pretty short bitch list, but it will have to do. I suppose I should also include the counter-list which includes the reasons why I should be happy with my life. All that shit about liking the kids, enjoying the other teacher's company, soaking up Lithuanian heritage and other assorted hookey truisms.

CJ


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Mon 7/14/2003 6:25 AM

I am leaving Vilnius today and taking a train to Warsaw. I am really happy to be heading out, for as you might have gathered, my sense of frustration has been steadly rising. Now to be honest, the day after I sent the last email, I suffered a pang or two of guilt because I felt I was not fairly representing the people, culture and traditions of Lithuania, but since then after suffering setbacks too numerous to recount, I no longer feel guilty; I stand by what was written earlier.

However, I had a wonderful weekend trip to the Baltic Sea. The water, as expected, was an absolutely freezing 59 degrees, with the air temperature a balmy 62 with strong gusts of wind to boot. For a man that is allergic to the cold, these are less than ideal swimming conditions and a far cry from the 95 degree water of the Pacific Ocean that I had become used to. Hives were an inevitably, but at least I can say that I went in the water (up to my waist that is).

It has been a great trip, and I met a number of very interesting (codeword for people I would never imagined myself voluntarily meeting) people. The other teachers were a fun group of people, we had a great last weekend on the Baltic Sea, and I was able to find enough inner peace to allow me to read. All in all, a good bout of good clean Christan fun; I still am very happy that I came here.

But at the same time I do ask myself, where springs this fount of negativity, these sarcastic emails? I think the answer is that I was just getting used to be being back in the States when I uprooted myself again. I have not yet begun to re-acclimate myself to being back home because, for starters, the three weeks that I spent being back in NYC, 2.5 of them were spent at home being sick with the highest fever I've ever had as an adult. The other answer is that I really do miss the good food that Asia provided. White people food (sans pizza and donuts) has never done it for me.

So it's off to Warsaw, then road trip to Krakao, Auschwitz, Prague and Bohemia, the last of which I just found out certain of my ancestors are from. I wonder how my Jackson-side proclivity to mooch will be received by my Vazac-side good Bohemian sensibility. Place your bets.

CJ


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Wed 7/16/2003 11:58 AM

I am writing now from an Internet cafe in the middle of Krakao in Southern Poland. The square here is beautiful, though I am a bit tired and a bit sick. Yesterday evening I shared a very pleasant drinking and meat eating session with Joanna and her boyfriend. We went to what I believe was an authentic Polish restaurant and downed tremendous quantities of saurkraut and mushroom dumplings, sausuage, kielbasas, sausage, warm rye-based bread, and sausage. In addition, I, a heavyweight amongst drinking lightweights, downed a 1L size glass of beer sweetened with a bit of black currant juice. Really hit the spot, if that means it made me goofy, clumsy and violently ill.

We also had a little bit of an adventure this morning with the car, which is this fiesty, British racing car-green colored Russian-made Opel. It must be around the same weight as myself but it zoops us around quite well. The only problem (thus far) with the car has been that the first hundred Ks were plagued by what I termed the "Mystery of Reverse". We couldn't for the life of us figure out to get the damn car to move backwards. The full importance of the reversal move was not lost on me, and culminated when I attempted to park at a McDonalds. I strategically was looking for an empty place that allowed me pull through one side so I could drive out of the other in first gear, but McDonald's architects had something else in store for me. I committed to a lane that appeared to be OK, but turned out to be a disguised truck stop. Helplessly, I brought the car to a halt, but it was too late: there'd be no going back (which meant of course that I would have to go back). I was left dreading the thought that I would have to push the car backwards while Victoria steered to get back on the highway.

To be clear to all you non-Opel drivers, the gear was to the left of first and despite our best efforts to push, pull, twist and bend the gearstick, the sucker just wouldn't budge. We also looked for any button that seemed unrelated to other car maintenance functions, but couldn't find any. Finally, we even invented theories that were utterly ridiculous such as the parking brake had to be on in order to back up, or it was linked to the window washing system. In the end, it turned out there was a little lever under the head of the gear stick that needed to be raised before access to the reverse gear was granted. We were back in business.

Driving on Polish roads can best be described as interesting. The roads themselves are in pretty good shape without many potholes at all, however they have "settled" quite a bit and there are dramatic ruts in the ground that mean when you change lanes in a tiny car, your car goes shooting on out. But since you spend most of your time either riding the middle of the road passing some ridiculously clunky car or giant coal-emitting truck or the shoulder of the road avoiding the oncoming Mercedes Benz-equivalent Mack truck, you actually don't even spend that much time in those ruts. Also, on the major highways where speeds exceed 80mph even in our little car, there are pedestrian crossings all over the place that, I imagine, legally require you to stop. All makes for some good adventure.

Poland's been fun. Bring on Prague!!

CJ

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Sat 7/19/2003 8:32 AM

Well we did eventually make it to Prague, but God was it a battle. Let me narrate the little adventure.

So we stayed the night in a suburb of Krakow (please forgive the typo last mail) called Bochnia, which we of course happily called Bochina. It was listed as a Krakow hotel in Expedia but it turned out to be 45 km away, and we are not talking the fast kind of kms, but the slow, no shoulder, stuck behind three pollution-emitting trucks kinds of kms. Following the non-sensical English directions which I believe contained 8 lines of text, 47 accent marks and one verb, we managed to make it directly to the hotel without a single wrong turn. We were feeling pretty good about ourselves.

The Best Western in which we stayed was beautiful, and we spent the night playing Rummy 500 in Bochina. I believe we were the first ever American and British combo to ever stay at their hotel, because the staff was clearly surprised to see us, and made us promise to stay with them next time we were in Bochina.

Cocky from the previous days driving and navigation excellence we left Bochina at around 11:30 AM (I know it's a late start, but Victoria was nice enough to let me sleep in and she got to do a bit of swimming in their spacious 25m indoor pool). Both of us also knew that we had one long-ass day of driving ahead of us, and we were tacitly dreading driving again on the roads for at least 6 more hours.

Since the hotel was directly the opposite direction of Prague we had to pass through Krakow again. Easy, we thought, because we had just rocked the city the other day, albeit from another direction. Hubris is sin, make no mistake. The map we had was woefully inadequate, and the route number system non-existent within the City. We ended up re-entering Old Town, finally getting on the road we wanted, then losing it in an uncomprendingly complex and mislabeled triangular(?) rotary. Victoria was mad at me because she didn't trust my directions, I was mad at the map for clearly being wrong, and at her for not trusting my directions (which I admit were untrustworthy).

Of course, Victoria and I being kindred spirits are both way too passive-aggressive to just yell at each other, instead we veil our barbs through subtle digs. I suggest going one way, she resists by feigning an inability to go that direction, etc. etc. In the end, after refusing to heed my suggestions for around 3 km, just as she is about to relent and head back, we see a sign for the road that we want. We have made it to the promised land, E7. We had left Krakow and were good to escape Poland.

However, Prague represented its own challenges. Now, the Lonely Planet guide had indicated that the roads in the Czeck Republic were worse than Poland, and I was fixated on the parking situation in Prague, quite rightly as it turned out. We, meaning I, had also failed to book any lodgings and had no real maps of the city or country. We were driving in blind.

As it turned out the roads in Prague were PERFECT. We negotiated the border without a hitch and snaked our way through to the highway. The scenary was beautiful, the weather was hot and sunny, actually hitting 91.4F at one point, and our Opel was cruising. The only worry spot for me was that I had read that we needed to get a permit to drive on Czeck roads, and we hadn't been told to pick one up at the border, so I was scared that a cop would pull us over and issue some fat ticket or demand sexual satisfication from either Victoria or myself.

As we approached Prague, during the space of an hour, the temperature dropped 31 degrees and it started to rain. By the time we got to Prague at around 9:00PM it was drizzling and we still did not have a place to stay in a city where it was visibly impossible to park. Upon entering Prague proper, I managed to locate the Brezina Pension and made Victoria wait in the car while I investigated whether or not there were rooms available. Luck was with us because we were able to book a room and also take care of parking. However, when I returned back to the car, it was clear that Victoria was not sharing my enthusiasm (for the record this is a dramatic understatement). In the space of twenty minutes alone in the car, she had magically been transformed from a docile maiden to an angry shrew, despite my "good" news that all of our considerable problems were solved. I just don't understand women.

However, once in our room, which was not dissimilar to a Cabot C-40something series room complete with ceiling windows, she regained composure and we had a good laugh. We later went down for a beer and bean soup served in a small, hollowed-out rye bread loaf.

We had a great day yesterday visiting Prague Castle, cruising around on the tram and Metro, taking a boat ride, eating Chinese food, doing our laundry (a big YEAH) and hitting up cafes left and right. We were more productive in the first four hours of Prague, than in the last two weeks combined in Vilnius. Sadly, my comrade-in-arms left me this morning for London, and I am now alone in Prague sans my trusty Opel. I finally bought a map and a Czeck Republic guide, and I am in the process of planning out my route(s) for the next few days. I'm dreading the drive, but think I am at least emotionally equipped to deal.

CJ

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Sun 7/20/2003 12:26 PM

The one big piece of news is my return date to the US has moved forward to the 24th, because Cathay Pacific botched my ticket and then were unable to fix it, despite my repeated protests. I am launching a formal protest, and we'll see what I can get out of it, because this time it is truly their fault. Not like with AMEX, where I just got mad at them for getting mad at me for not paying them their rightfully owed money (sound familiar Mikey?). I mean I gave over a month notice, spent over US$25 calling them from the boonies, and they even acknowledged it is there fault. Anyway, no point in dwelling in this email. Looks like this will be exclusively an Eastern European trip.

So this road trip thing is actually pretty fun. You have to remember that I am a virgin road tripper being from NYC. I feel bad for Victoria for bowing out just when the good part begins. Today I managed to hit one Botanical Garden and three big-ass castles. I also drove past the original Budweiser brewery and saw a gazillion dinky churches. But this is Europe and I'm a godless heathen, so churches don't count, right?

As for the driving, it is easy as cake in the Czeck Republic. Two thumbs up for their roads and for their signs. While it can be hard driving in countries where you cannot read a single sign, the Michelin map I have is quality and the roads are well-labeled. I probably am able to drive around 50% faster and 500% safer than in Poland (sorry Joanna). Only one disastrous move involving the last castle which also had a water amusement park next to it that meant that parking was a disaster. One weird observation is that both of the non-major city castles had a set of black and brown bears living in a fenced off area. Seemed utterly random to me. In total, I logged about 140 kms due south.

I am staying tonight at this cute little pension in Cesky Krumlov which is arguably the most perfect little European town in the world. The castle is stunning, the streets clean, the views breathtaking, and the Internet service fast. We'll find out how the Chinese food is after I am done emailing :)

I also got to say that while I loved Prague, I think I am more of a countryside guy at heart. Maybe it would be different if I was with a huge group of people and partying was my goal, but I dig pastoral themes, I always have.

This will be a short one because I am hungry and tired from driving all day long, since I can no longer pawn that duty off on Victoria (tear, tear).

CJ
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Wed 7/23/2003 6:45 AM

So I am still alive, no additional charges on the car (Victoria should be happy), but it was a mildly harrowing journey. A little background:

So I spent the night in that beautiful town of Cesky Krumlov, and then drove around 275 km to this little town called Opocno which had a cool castle and was located relatively near the Polish border on the NE side. Only problem is that travelling on Monday means that most museums are closed (which I had anticipated), but sadly the one thing that I really wanted to see, the St. Barbara's Church in Kutna Hora, was closed against the description of the guide book. I was so upset, the bok-choi I ate at the Chinese restaurant didn't even taste that good.

I spent the night at this little Penzion for US$13 in Opocno, population like 750, and then saw the castle first thing Tuesday morning and left at 10:30 AM. They get you with this castle in that they made you go on a Czeck-language tour as a prerequisite to gaining admittance to the castle. So I was with my motley assortment of other travellers, including two barefoot Gypsies or at least they looked like what I imagined Gypsies would look like, feigning interest in and comprehension of our cute tour guide for around the hour. Fortunately, the castle was quite interesting. Translation: It had a lot of guns, swords, gruesome goring weapons and stuffed dead animal heads. It even waxed international with African, Asian and Native American (i.e. Indian) mini-exhibits.

However, in the back of my mind, I was still planning out the trip out in my mind. Now I had been dreading this return journey for quite some time, in part because I had been spoiled by Czeck roads. Mind you not too spoiled though, because one of the first things I learned once I got off the main highways in both the Czeck Repulic and Poland was that only around 50% of the roads are labeled correctly on any map. The route numbers frequently had no digits in common with what was printed on the map, and everything must be navigated by cities that are frequently located hundreds of kms away (though I'm sure you'll tell me that everyone should know that Katowice is West-North-West of Krakow).

The good thing was that I had two old friends accompany beginning around 200 km outside of Warsaw. The bad thing was that their names were Fog and Rain. Now, I had asked myself how much would it suck to drive this little car in the pouring rain in roads that had deep rut lines in them that presumably filled on up with water, and the answer, as I had guessed correctly, was a whole fucking lot. When I finally pulled into the airport at 6:00 PM, my arms were exhausted from the death gripI had unconscioulsy kept on the steering wheel for the prior 3 hours.

The good thing is that I made it back in one piece without any close calls. I also amazed myself by not missing a single turn, and there were hundreds of completely counterintuitive, conflicting signs. In my view this was the driving equivalent of 56 consecutive games with a hit, for those baseball fans out there if any still exist. I also passed over 500 cars, and was only passed by 84, which made me a massive net passer (when you are driving by yourself for like 7 hours, you made up stupid games, ok?). The roads I selected were carefully crafted to include a great combination of natural scenary and speed (Poland E67 rules!!!). But enough horn tooting ...

So my trip is coming to an end, and assuming that the BA strike doesn't affect me adversely, then I will be coming home tomorrow night. I'm even getting picked up at the airport which kicks ass. Nothing to make a man feel important than an airport pick-up.

I doubt that I will be sending out these mass epistles as frequently now that I return to my exhausting schedule in New York. Law & Order from 12-1 PM, non-stop judge shows (i.e. Texas Justince, Joe Brown, Mathis, Judy and People's Court) from 1-4 PM, then some Simpsons and Seinfeld to carry me through the early evening. Then maybe one of those friends of mine with a job will be free to play with me for a while.

The truth is that I'm freaking out a little bit because I have no more future events to look forward. That Lithuania gig was a great conversation piece, but now the vast nothingness of my existence is staring me straight in the face again. I desperately need a mini-plan to divert attention from its Sauron-like gaze. Any ideas, besides working of course?

CJ

Christopher Jackson - Vice President
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